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Twenty minutes into his new career as a quiz show host, BBC1’s Gordon Ramsay began sending out distress signals

Nowhere near the baftas, I thought, but I didn’t have a more specific answer for him

By this point, I was already too lost and confused by all of the stacks, zones, and penalties that come with Gordon’s new three-week series, Bank Balance

There’s also the added distraction of the show’s set, which is either one of the old Tardis interiors by Dr Who was or an attempt to recreate the aftermath of Blue Whale Beach on Blackpool’s Golden Mile

There was a lot of panic activity in this place, but I gradually lost confidence and interest in all of this when Gordon launched the show, claiming “It couldn’t be easier””

Always a sure sign that someone is going to lie to you – and if so, blind you with quiz show science

Well, without any sub-clauses, Bank Balance is Jenga meets Millionaire, with much louder and thicker candidates

The bar was set pretty low by an opening brother and sister combo named Tobi and Tosin who were thrown outright when Gordon prompted them, “Name two characters that appear in all 12 episodes of Fawlty Towers”

With questions as simple as this, however, not even Bank Balance participants could avoid a correct answer that involved stacking money-winning gold bars on an unstable part of the kit called The Board and then not collapsing

Isambard Kingdom Brunel would have thrown his hands up in despair on this task after trying for a year or two to calculate the board’s parabolic arc, mass distribution, and drum center So it’s no real surprise that there was Dumb and Dumber the kitten

The star of the show, however, should be Gordon, who has a will-o-the-wisp presence on Bank Balance, swearing in one moment and fluently uttering LA shoemaker in the next, “I love the synergy” and then must participants are reminded: “Psst I’m still here”

He had to do this because Gordon is out of shot or double-hunched most of the time, with his back to the camera trying to find out what on earth is going on with The Board

Of course, if the presenter can’t see what’s going on, it should probably have occurred to the BBC that viewers can’t see what’s going either

But it didn’t. Even pennies didn’t go down when one of the participants admitted that she tried to crack this prime-time show by reading the NASA website

You’re now stuck at Bank Balance, a horrific mess of an afternoon quiz show disguised as prime-time entertainment that looks like the last resort on television even in a global pandemic

The best I can say about this is that it clarified my own view of quiz shows and their hosts

Seeing Gordon on Bank Balance means understanding Bradley Walsh’s natural genius – who is funny, smart, quick-thinking, engaging, and on the side of the participants

So there’s no point in wishing, hoping, teaching, or doing anything other than having serious problems with something Gordon said in episode two

“Falkirk ain’t no town It’s a fucking hole” You think? YOU THINK? Then you didn’t see Grangemouth, mate That’s a bloody hole

A TEXTBOOK case where the blind leads the blind in the first episode of Channel 4’s Stand Up And Deliver two-parter this week

Five celebrities, Shaun Ryder, Katie McGlynn, Curtis Pritchard, Baroness Sayeeda Warsi, and Rev Richard Coles, were tutored in comedians by Jason Manford, Zoe Lyons, Judi Love, Nick Helm and David Baddiel

A challenge with epic failure built into the set-up, as Baddiel admitted when he said, “If you left me in a room with Theresa May for two years, she couldn’t be telling you a joke”

Theresa May, of course, says exactly the same thing about him, which means the end results are as mixed and shameful as you imagine them to be

So I should warn you that if you are thinking of sticking to this show, I’ve seen the live performances of the second part and they’re bad, really, very, very bad

Not only did one of the celebs forget their lines, on the big night, Love Island’s Curtis Pritchard was so inappropriately awful that the charity actually booed and my own head retracted embarrassedly into my upper body, like a giant tortoise saying ‘Me I just got caught putting a trash can lid on

But what chance did he really have when his teacher was Judi Love and David Baddiel started the night with this warm-up announcement for hecklers: “When I shout ‘HELLO’ I want you to shout ‘P *** OFF'” “Let’s try it” P *** OFF

Stand Up And Deliver, narrator Julia Davis: “Nick and Jason include observation geniuses Judi Love and Zoe Lyons”

Good Morning UK, Monday, Piers Morgan: “It can’t be easy to be BBC breakfast, we’re pounding them into the ratings”

GMB 850000 – that’s not much more than Aled Jones and Lorraine at daybreak

The endless condescending pleasure that BBC shows like Lucy Worsley’s Blitz Spirit show how they destroy and rework British history to fit the 2021 Agenda

ITV’s Finding Alice paves the way for a second series of Planning Application Lines and Mourning

Channel 4 is effortlessly self-righteous It’s a sin that already looks unbeatable in the “Overrated Show of 2021” category

And celebrities go out with D-Lister Tom Zanetti, the drunk high-headed competitor Sophie Hermann is drunk over her school exclusion records while she admits: “There is nothing to celebrate but look at us now, baby!”

Lightning, Zoe Lyons: “In which classic board game do the opening moves Hippopotamus Defense and Queen’s Gambit play?”

Tenable, Warwick Davis: “What are the ten cities in Scotland and Wales that start with a consonant?”

BZZZ I will also not accept Heart of Midlothian, Vale of Glamorgan, Aberbargoed Buds or Abba Reunion Tour

YouTube’s Joe Wicks proves to be funnier training in an inflatable dinosaur costume than any single mainstream comedy show, except Would I lie to you?

And Netflix ‘Pele documentary, which is much sadder and darker than expected from the moment the big man walks into a room frame, but a must-have for anyone who has ever loved life, crowds, People, Brazil and what Kenneth Wolstenholme memorably described as “sheer adorable football”

LIVE from Antigua, Piers Morgan’s favorite vacation destination, we had record-breaking rower Jasmine Harrison on Monday GMB, who was asked by Chunk: “What on earth got you rowing in the middle of a global pandemic? Risk a possible death across the Atlantic? “

This week’s winner is the angry Yorkshire pudding featured in Tuesday’s Sun and Corrie legend Ena Sharples

Kris Boyd: “People say it’s an easy ending and they’re 100 percent right, but it’s not”

Jeff Stelling: “Southampton had a touch in the penalty area when the two Minamino scored the goal

BBC2’s workout The Wright Way host Mark Wright thanks horizontal guest Saffron Barker with the words: “Guys, that’s a plank”

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Gordon Ramsay Bank

World News – UK – Ally Ross: Ramsay’s bank balance is terribly messed up – bring Bradley Walsh back

Source: https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/6740140/gordon-ramsay-bank-balance-bradley-walsh/